1st Hunger Games Writing Challenge Oneshot Entry
by Too.Obvious
Summary: Written for LoveDrunkPunky's "Reviews and Readers for Hunger Games fanfics" forum Humor one-shot Contest./ This story starts in the middle of an arena in the middle of nowhere, with the camera on a rather... Sparkly... Individual. He starts out with a bit of attempted purple prose... And it all goes downhill from there.


A/N: I am coming up with waaay too many fics. -.-' Ah well. I'm sorry for being gone for a while. Heheheh...

This is a fic for the 1st Hunger Games one-shot Humor Challenge. Aw yeah! **Pumps fist**

So, the competing fandoms which I don't own are:

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

DEATH NOTE

THE HUNGER GAMES and

TWILIGHT

From the rules:

The teams will work together to take down the other fandoms. They do not need to kill members their own team members unless you want to them too (it's up to you). They don't even have to kill at all. Perhaps their is some other way of losing. Basically you have creative license to do as you please here.

**The driving force behind your fic: **The games is that the teams must compete to succeed or else everything from there universe will be sucked into a black hole and will no longer exist.

/

No offense intended to anyone/anything. Bashing is most likely just harsh, harsh humor.

Words are censored for the sake of the judges. Otherwise, this would embarrass all the sailors out there. :3

WARNING: Blatant favoritism.

May the odds be never in your favor ;)

**/line break**

Edward Cullen sighed, forewarning purple prose, as he scintillated. "It is so sad, my dear love, Bella! We must extinguish the bright flames of the fiery youth and lives of these poor, unfortunate souls in order to safe our beloved Forks, Washington from the gaping hole that swallows up light and hope itself; that not even we could escape from! Especially that minuscular boy; he could be overlooked by a virus, too small to make an impact on this vast, cruel world-"* Suddenly, a blur of red appeared, crashing into the sparkling body.

This red blur was Edward Elric. Applause, everyone! APPLAUSE, IT'S A PLOT TWIST! Kind of, but how could Capitol people know the difference? Just put your hands together and be happy. **Tic** Seriously, what does it take to please the masses these days?

Ed scowled, running at the 'vampire' with his automail arm in blade form. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY BUG WHO COULD BE SQUASHED BY A MOLECULE OF AIR?" He yelled in fury. His blade skidded across the sparkling skin. Gaping, he pointed.

"You… You…" the Cullen sighed a deep, deep sigh of melancholy and peppermints. "Yes, my poor friend. This rock-hard skin shows my-"

"NOT THAT, YOU B******!" He yelled. "YOU SPARKLE! ONLY ARMSTRONG MAY SPARKLE!" Out of thin air, Armstrong appeared and tore off his shirt, his trademark sparkles (Copyrighted, if you please) shimmering. "YES! THESE ARE THE SPARKLES HANDED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS! NO OTHER MAN MAY OBTAIN THESE EXCEPT THROUGH THE ARMSTRONGS!"

Armstrong sent multiple earth-fists at Cullen… Who simply stood there and let them bounce off. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), they bounced onto Bella, who hadn't been zombiefied-erm, 'vampire'fied-which led to her death. For shame, Edward Cullen. You should have turned her into a vampire beforehand. Tsk, tsk, too late now.

"NOOOO! BELLA, MY ONLY LOVE OF MY LIFE! HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?" both Jacob (yes, he was there, just watching. Or stalking. Whatever you prefer, but either way, Cullen was rubbing off onto him.) and Edward sobbed. Jacob _poofed!_ into a pile of ashes at the 'injustice and sadness of it all', while Edward sulked. "No… My life is now not worth living…" Ed rolled his eyes, leapt forward, and transmuted the sparkly skin into normal, human skin. "There we go. Now there's no copyright infringement." Armstrong nodded approvingly.

"No… I liked the sparkles… And the rock-hard skin… I know that I said I hated it before, but I actually like it…" His mutterings were ignored, and eventually he went catatonic from the loss. Hmph. Hypocrite.

**/line break **

Forks was sucked into the black hole. It shuddered and made a face not visible to anyone. It tasted _disgusting_, and those rock-hard vampires were just hard to chew through. Oh, well. Nourishment is nourishment.

**/line break**

Yagami (still under the name of Kira, because he wanted to be all mysterious-like for the cameras) looked down at the first few sentences on page 210 of the Death Note;

-_Bella Swan dies when Major Armstrong's stone fists bounce off Edward Cullen_

_-Jacob dissolves into ashes after moaning about Bella's death_

_-Edward Cullen dies after five minutes of being catatonic _

Katniss sighed. "Couldn't you just give them all heart attacks?" The unnamed girl from District 8, meanwhile, was moping around about how "I'm useless" and "I have epic superpowers that can practically blow up yards and yards of earth and I can't do anything to help" and "Why do I cry so much, I need to toughen up".

"Hey, hey, hey!" Cato complained. "Can't we just go and beat the $#*! out of them? This is boring!" He was ignored, as usual.

Kira chuckled, "In response to Katniss and Cato, no. This is by far more interesting. It has less energy expended also." The Yoda-speak was ignored.

"You're going to get in trouble by giving everyone hard, complicated deaths, you know," L warned.

Kira's response was "Meh. I'll take my chances."

Woah there, Kira, sass won't get you far in life! Oh, and L was right. The reason?

Roy Mustang, who had been watching from the treetops, swooped down, set the Death Note on fire, and watched Kira's body burn. Wait, that doesn't specifically prove L right. Oh, well. What's a story without a plot hole?

Meanwhile, Ryuk and L talked a bit.

"Hey, does the Death Note burning mean that everyone will come back to life?"

"Nah. Everyone stays dead."

"Ah. Well, I don't fancy being set on fire, so why don't you transport us away from this arena that is simply dirt and trees, seeing as the writer was too lazy to elaborate?"

Hey, hey, hey! L! Don't… Ah, too late, the damage's been done. They've gone out of the arena, and the fourth wall's already been broken. Let me just dial the number…

**/MEANWHILE./**

The black hole sighed sadly. Even though Ryuk and L were out of the Games, they were still alive, so it couldn't eat part of Japan. The others said that it tasted like sushi, too.

And it didn't even know when the only normal people lived. Nor the alchemists. No more food. How sad. _Well, _he thought, _maybe I'll go swallow up asteroid B-17. _Aw. Poor black hole. Let's include it in our prayers, shan't we?

**/BACK IN THE ARENA./**

Ed, Roy, Armstrong (With "The Hearing Genes Passed Down through Generations of Armstrongs!), Katniss, and Cato all looked up when they heard a loud _schoooowp_.(District 8 Girl was still moping over how she was "Annoying" and "Totally Useless".) "Well," Roy said, "That's probably the black hole leaving. Both of our worlds are safe." Ed yelled up at the sky; "Hey! We're done here, we might as well be taken out!"

District 8 girl scowled. It made her look eerily like Katniss. You know what, strike that. That would just look weird. "I still want to fight you all! I'm going to become the greatest tribute ever known! Believe it!" Woah there, mood swing!

"Bring it on!" Ed snarled. He wasn't exactly one to back down from a challenge.

"Do you really think that a pipsqueak like you could beat me?" she boasted. It took all the strength of both Armstrong and Mustang to hold the infuriated Ed back from ripping the girl with no name apart. _Limb. From. Limb._

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, mysteriously, how-many-synonyms-do-you-need, three discs popped into existence above them. They were…

They were…

_They were…_

**(UNNECESSARY, UNEFFECTIVE SUSPENSE HELD…) **

_**Unidentified Flying Objects! **_They all gaped at the blinking lights, until Katniss decided to be rash and shot an explosive arrow at it. I don't know how she got one either, I'm not all-knowing! Sheesh. Anyways, back to the exploding arrow. It bounced off and demolished the other half of the arena.

Hey, it was a pretty small arena.

Beams of light shot out and carried each person up into an UFO. All of them were yelling, fighting the beam, or holding looks of shock (Except for District 8 Girl, whose tears were currently watering the trees twenty yards below. So many mood swings.).

**/IN THE CAPITOL, IN A RANDOM HOME (NO, I AM NOT A STALKER. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT.)./**

The TV's screen went to static. The little girl sitting in front of it, Cinnamon, turned to her parents with an eager expression on her face.

"Mommy, Daddy- Can we go to that arena for vacation? _Please?_"

THE END.

I GUESS.

**/LINE BREAK./**

*I fail at purple prose.

A/N: So, what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Review and tell me please!

-From, Too.


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